3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
