i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
