While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
