There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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