Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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