I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
