If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
