I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
