my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
