So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
