Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
should my penis look like a turkey
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
