I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
