I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
