You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
