I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
