I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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