i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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