Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
high people should be assigned attendants
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
