wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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