to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
