Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
