We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
