tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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