its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
