I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
