WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
