i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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