i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
