The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
