is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
