Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
