He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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