There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's great music for shaving your balls
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
