She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
