I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
