Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
