I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
