I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
