i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
