Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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