you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
