piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
