Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
