I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I die, sorry about rent.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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