Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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