i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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