awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you would pick up someone in the library
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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