I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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