I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
