What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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