is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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