this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
