The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
either way he was missing a nipple.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pants are for mortals
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
