what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
