bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
